Firstly let me apologize for the slightly ‘down in the dumps’ topic, but then I’m being hypocritical really, as I like to remind people as often as I can that it is okay to talk about how you feel. Never apologize for sharing your thoughts.
I’m stressing badly.
I feel absolutely overwhelmed with the amount of things that are racing through my mind every minute of the day. I don’t think I’ve had a decent night’s sleep in nearly 3 weeks and it’s drastically taking it’s toll.
I’m tired, grumpy, snappy and beyond emotional.
I keep welling up over the most stupid things.
This is what lack of sleep does to you.
But, what I have learned in the last year or two is that “one bad day, is not a bad life”. One day of hysterical crying, feeling like it’s the end of the world, doesn’t make it so.
It makes you human.
My depression has not come back. I am not depressed. I will not be depressed.
I am stressed.
And there’s a difference.
If there’s one thing I wish for myself, it’s to never have to experience the pain of depression ever again in my life. That feeling where you’re so low you’re breaking your own heart. I couldn’t experience that again and I truly hope that none of you do either.
However, if you are… REACH OUT AND TALK ABOUT IT. Promise me? Don’t do it alone.
Just lately I’ve been absolutely fine throughout the day, but the minute I get home I turn into an emotional wreck. I don’t want to hear any sounds, talk to anyone, do anything but lie in bed and cry. Or read, then cry.
Is anyone else feeling that way lately? Is it the weather? Am I not managing my time properly? I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong… Maybe it’s my diet? Whatever it is, I need to up my self-care game.
Things that have made me cry this week:
- People thanking me for my work / help
- Seeing all 12 of my students read silently for 20 minutes, with no phones or talking at all – their choice! and then ask to keep on reading
- Finding out one of my students got a 5.5 on his IELTS and accepted into Cardiff (starting to well up now just thinking about it)
- My students writing an entire page of homework, when 10 weeks ago they could barely write three sentences
- Books. Always books.
I hope I’m not going crazy, but I really needed to put this out there.
I hope you’re not feeling this way either, but if you are, reach out!